Can I be (Un)Realistic for a Minute?

I made goals today/yesterday. And I am going to do it. Yes, I know I have said that before. But I like to think that I mean it this time. Seriously.

I am doing this mostly for myself. Mostly to flaunt my features. Some to make certain someones jealous (I have a few vindictive bones, ONLY A FEW!) I want to prove to myself that I can do it. And I like the attention. Not gonna lie here, it's my damn blog. In all seriousness, my closest friends, those special few, know that I love  attention. Which is both good and bad. I'm trying to word this sentence without being as insensitive and shallow as I can be sometimes....Alright, next topic!

Goals:
Current Weight: 161lbs
End of June Weight: 150lbs
Weight by Otakon: 140lbs
Weight by Sept 15th: 124lbs (This number is subject to change obviously if I feel amazing at 130 or 140)

BodyFat:
Current: 30+%, A Guess? Borderline Obese?
Goal: 22% (Fitness Level)

Chest:
Current: 44"
Goal: 36"

I am adding my BodyBuilding profile in the side bar with all the other ones. This one you don't need an account to access. I'll add it to my list of things to update weekly and such.

What I am going to do? Take pictures. Pictures Motivate me. And I am Narcissistic enough to LOVE staring at Myself. And why not?

I will follow 3 main Rules:
1. Eat Enough Calories to cause a Weight Loss (Approx. 1300/day). If I plan on eating shitty food I will run cardio that day to balance out the deficit. Since I loathe running this should motivate me some.

2. Eat 1g protein per 1lb of Lean Body Mass. 113lbs of Lean Body Mass = 113g of Protein

3. Lift Big- 3 days a Week. Which is going to get fun starting in June with 3 jobs.
Deadlift: Current- 136lbs   Goal: 226lbs
Bent Over Row: Current- 102lbs  Goal: 181lbs
Overhead Press: Current- 74lbs    Goal: 152lbs
Bench: Current- 125lbs    Goal: 203lbs
Squat: Current- 124lbs    Goal: 226lbs

I will also Sleep at least 7-8 hours day when possible. Make healthier food choices and keep being awesome. Sounds easy right?

Can't wait to see everyone in July!
<3 Cris

8lbs Down in 2 Months!

General Update for May

Work: Well my fulltime job. What can I say. I love it. I just hate the people I have to deal with? The people who create so much unnecessary stress. The backstabbing two faced assholes who can't come to you and tell you they have a problem. They tell someone else and somewhere down the grapevine it comes back to you. Thanks. Ill be leaving there As soon as possible. Im basically there until I get my vacation time (end of june) and possibly until Otakon (end of July). Im projecting my last week will be in October.

My Massage Job: Making decent money. I've decided Im not going to talk about myself there. I am going for the go there, go to work, go home strategy. Hopefully drama will keep at bay! But I love it mostly. Some clients are absolutely jerks (I toned that down). If they want deep tissue, they should sign up for deep tissue. I am not deep tissue certified. Ergo, I can hurt myself trying to give to the pressure you want. And thanks. Now I HAVE to see my therapist to look at my hands. But then the rest of the customers, I love you. You are all very generous people who fill my hours with happiness and satisfaction. You are the reason I want to massage people. Thank you. I also appreciate the awesome tips you leave me, you are too kind.

3rd Job! Oh snap! Every Wednesday starting in June I will be doing Corporate Massage for a Gaming Company. How exciting! Ive already got 3 clients signed up! AWESOME. Im not charging too much, but thats money that I didnt have before and the potential to get clients from this is pretty good.

Weight Loss: Ive been hovering around 161.6lbs the last few days. Which I am pretty ok with. That's almost 10lbs. And I feel great. I have still been eating fairly healthy although I could always eat better. I am still doing meal replacement shakes. In fact, I should probably look into ordering more soon, or switch over to Mark's vanilla flavored shake. Oh well.

Back in the Ring

So I'm returning to the ring! Round 2! Ding!

So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. Besides Mark and I going out way too much for dinner and not keeping the groceries at home properly stocked, We aren't doing too badly. We've been going to the gym roughly 3 times a week and I haven't been binge-ing or snacking as bad as I used too.

I recently weighed in at 161.4lbs. Which had me pretty excited. I know I kinda tricked myself by weighing in at a different time of the day where I am pretty certain that I weigh the least. Meh. I can accept that for the temporary boost of confidence. I've been sticking to my shakes in the early morning, a small meal a few hours after, lunch if I am hungry, a snack or two when I get home (two if I didn't eat lunch, my new favorites are 100 calorie popcorn and trail mix (dark chocolate chips, peanuts and raisins), dinner which isn't the healthiest most of the time but sometimes it is! (Quinoa and veggies or velveeta chicken and broccoli).

I need to incorporate more protein into my diet to increase my muscle mass. I have unrealistic goals when it comes to my muscle goals. But I can dream. Just because I want to be able to support my own weight with my arms....pfft. I'll do it one day.

I start my new job in a few days. It's gonna kick my ass. But I've worked 3 jobs at once before. I can do this. Even though I'm already conspiring to take on more shifts or hours. I want to give myself to the end of the month before I make any hasty decisions. I will be working Thursday 3-8, Friday 1-6 and Saturday 8-1 which I was informed were great shifts. I only work 4 hours of those shifts. I have 2 massages then an hour break then another 2 massages. That's approximately $310 every 2 weeks. And if I get $5 in tips each massage that's $120 every 2 weeks. So maybe an extra $860 a month(more with bigger tips!)? I really hope so. We have been in debt for so long. It'll be a relief. There are so many things we have given up to have a bearable lifestyle. Mark's car will be paid off this month as well. That's an extra $360 too. Fingers crossed.

Ok back to that job. 1lb is roughly 3,500 calories. If I burn 250 calories a massage, I would be burning roughly 1000 calories a day. After those 3 days I would be at 3000 calories. Working at the gym 2-3 days a week would burn an extra 1500 calories all together maybe?? I've been cutting my calories down a bit mainly avoiding fats and unnecessary sugars. So I've cut about 1200 calories a week in food. So that's 5700 calories burned/saved. So hopefully that will help me lose 2 lbs a week.A bit much but I'm ready for the challenge. Of course not I'll have to eat more food to keep my energy up for massage. I got this.

If I can survive cutting my hours at the full-time job to 30 plus the 15 hours I'm at my massage job and my (lack of) social life isn't suffering horribly and I can still find time to myself and for house-cleaning then I would eventually like to take longer hours massaging.

I also might have a corporate massage job in the future! That could potentially bring another $500 a month and that's only doing it once a week for a few hours. I am looking forward to not working a full-time job. No more retail, no talking asshole douchey people who want to ruin my day/life because they are fucking retarded morons.

Random Side Notes:
Recently I've found myself fighting with my OCD. Mainly with doors and certain thoughts. I have to check the door every night and sometimes I can bring myself to let Mark do it but only with great stress and anxiety. He assures me it's locked but my mind won't accept it. When I leave the house I jingled the door handle at least twice while pushing it. My car doors must all be checked including the trunk before I'll leave it. My thoughts tend to be the worst. But rarely. But of the worst kind. Once a thought is in my head I immediately obsess about it. It will eat away at my brain all day and the moment I escape it, it finds me with a vengeance. Usually about certain books that I become fond of, movies I particularly enjoy, business prospects and people I hold close to me dying. The feelings about people are the most traumatizing because they hit my heart straight on and involve me sobbing for hours. Silly as it seems and as smart as I am I can't seem to rationalize these feelings. Currently it's about a certain book(s) that Ive read. And it's terribly embarrassing to admit. Im consumed. Horribly obsessive. And it's interfering with my life. Hopefully it will pass soon. I find if I indulge it as much as possible I can sometimes grow tired and bored with it. But until then I'll struggle for a bit.

I'm also having strange thoughts about children. Like, I don't know if I want them or not. Mark is pretty certain he doesn't want children but he has no influence on this idea. I'll have children one day I think and although I may obsess about it whenever I get a baby kick, I just don't have the time for one. Plus I'm starting my second job and once we get out of debt. I don't want to go back into debt because of a kid that I will want to spoil. Make weird sense?