So I'm returning to the ring! Round 2! Ding!
So much has happened in the last couple of weeks. Besides Mark and I going out way too much for dinner and not keeping the groceries at home properly stocked, We aren't doing too badly. We've been going to the gym roughly 3 times a week and I haven't been binge-ing or snacking as bad as I used too.
I recently weighed in at 161.4lbs. Which had me pretty excited. I know I kinda tricked myself by weighing in at a different time of the day where I am pretty certain that I weigh the least. Meh. I can accept that for the temporary boost of confidence. I've been sticking to my shakes in the early morning, a small meal a few hours after, lunch if I am hungry, a snack or two when I get home (two if I didn't eat lunch, my new favorites are 100 calorie popcorn and trail mix (dark chocolate chips, peanuts and raisins), dinner which isn't the healthiest most of the time but sometimes it is! (Quinoa and veggies or velveeta chicken and broccoli).
I need to incorporate more protein into my diet to increase my muscle mass. I have unrealistic goals when it comes to my muscle goals. But I can dream. Just because I want to be able to support my own weight with my arms....pfft. I'll do it one day.
I start my new job in a few days. It's gonna kick my ass. But I've worked 3 jobs at once before. I can do this. Even though I'm already conspiring to take on more shifts or hours. I want to give myself to the end of the month before I make any hasty decisions. I will be working Thursday 3-8, Friday 1-6 and Saturday 8-1 which I was informed were great shifts. I only work 4 hours of those shifts. I have 2 massages then an hour break then another 2 massages. That's approximately $310 every 2 weeks. And if I get $5 in tips each massage that's $120 every 2 weeks. So maybe an extra $860 a month(more with bigger tips!)? I really hope so. We have been in debt for so long. It'll be a relief. There are so many things we have given up to have a bearable lifestyle. Mark's car will be paid off this month as well. That's an extra $360 too. Fingers crossed.
Ok back to that job. 1lb is roughly 3,500 calories. If I burn 250 calories a massage, I would be burning roughly 1000 calories a day. After those 3 days I would be at 3000 calories. Working at the gym 2-3 days a week would burn an extra 1500 calories all together maybe?? I've been cutting my calories down a bit mainly avoiding fats and unnecessary sugars. So I've cut about 1200 calories a week in food. So that's 5700 calories burned/saved. So hopefully that will help me lose 2 lbs a week.A bit much but I'm ready for the challenge. Of course not I'll have to eat more food to keep my energy up for massage. I got this.
If I can survive cutting my hours at the full-time job to 30 plus the 15 hours I'm at my massage job and my (lack of) social life isn't suffering horribly and I can still find time to myself and for house-cleaning then I would eventually like to take longer hours massaging.
I also might have a corporate massage job in the future! That could potentially bring another $500 a month and that's only doing it once a week for a few hours. I am looking forward to not working a full-time job. No more retail, no talking asshole douchey people who want to ruin my day/life because they are fucking retarded morons.
Random Side Notes:
Recently I've found myself fighting with my OCD. Mainly with doors and certain thoughts. I have to check the door every night and sometimes I can bring myself to let Mark do it but only with great stress and anxiety. He assures me it's locked but my mind won't accept it. When I leave the house I jingled the door handle at least twice while pushing it. My car doors must all be checked including the trunk before I'll leave it. My thoughts tend to be the worst. But rarely. But of the worst kind. Once a thought is in my head I immediately obsess about it. It will eat away at my brain all day and the moment I escape it, it finds me with a vengeance. Usually about certain books that I become fond of, movies I particularly enjoy, business prospects and people I hold close to me dying. The feelings about people are the most traumatizing because they hit my heart straight on and involve me sobbing for hours. Silly as it seems and as smart as I am I can't seem to rationalize these feelings. Currently it's about a certain book(s) that Ive read. And it's terribly embarrassing to admit. Im consumed. Horribly obsessive. And it's interfering with my life. Hopefully it will pass soon. I find if I indulge it as much as possible I can sometimes grow tired and bored with it. But until then I'll struggle for a bit.
I'm also having strange thoughts about children. Like, I don't know if I want them or not. Mark is pretty certain he doesn't want children but he has no influence on this idea. I'll have children one day I think and although I may obsess about it whenever I get a baby kick, I just don't have the time for one. Plus I'm starting my second job and once we get out of debt. I don't want to go back into debt because of a kid that I will want to spoil. Make weird sense?
